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03/20/25 22:43

throughout my life, i've heard that the lonely moments get lonelier the longer you have someone.
i questioned the saying, in disbelief that those who found their supposed other half were capable of being ridden with such isolation, and yet the longer i sit in a call, the silence becomes deafening.
my chest aches, my breath barely runs short; i feel like a pariah of sorts, alienated from a space i once knew as my sanctuary, and yet these moments of companionship become wrought with discomfort.
i tell myself that prying any further is innappropriate and would make our cold war erupt into flames, and yet i find the invasive urge so tempting, so attractive. a part of me wanted a full blown fight instead of this unbearable silence, where i wouldn't hear anything in his heart. yet in the case we were to dissolve into melodrama, i would learn more than i ever would in this stasis.
i tell myself that our unbroken tension is preferred outside of open conflict, i don't want to be a reflection of my own parents.
but i fear that the space i give him may tempt him into an eternal silence.
i fear that i dwouldn't know how to break it without hurting both of us.