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13/04/24 00:05

i've adopted the idea that everything i say has no purpose, and neither will it ever interest anyone. i came to the conclusion that if no one is interested in what i have to say, what would be the point of speaking in the first place?
funnily enough, i learned that i should keep my mouth shut from someone i thought i would never have to worry speaking around— frankly i was wrong.
there was a point in time where no matter what i rambled about, there was a positive response from the other side, but nowadays every single comment has become a spiral of confusion, quickly dismissed with the words "i don't care".

how am i even supposed to respond to that?
in no way shape, or form was i capable of saying anything in return that would not invoke some form of provacation on your side, and that would only make tensions unnecessarily high between the two of us. why was i not willing to that the risk of going down a road of tension? well, because it 'not that big of a deal'. that's how what i told myself, never something you said.
simply put, i believed our relationship was never personal enough to make it necessary for us to speak about it.
the biggest question is why i'm so bothered by how you feel in the first place, our calls become periods of deafening silence due to the fact that i've come to feel as if there's no reason for me to speak. every time i opened my mouth, i feel as if i have to say something that pleases you.

most tragic thing at all is that we're only friends. i can leave whenever i please and yet you've held me by a lead that you don't realize you'd tied.